Tip for Success in Love, Marriage, and Life: Connection

Tip for Success in Love, Marriage, and Life: 

Vision – Connection Pillar – luca-bravo-t3ItLqF-PPU-unsplash

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
 – Brené Brown

They fell deeply in love 38 years ago.  They felt like “soul mates”, knowing the other was “the one”.

They said they felt fortunate to be surrounded by five couples who were also happy in their relationships.

To their dismay, by the time they reached that 10-year milestone, five couples out of their circle of friends were divorced.    

They couldn’t understand what happened

All five couples said they still loved each other but they began to drift apart and gradually lost feeling of that deep, loving connection.

Percy and Paula vowed that would never happen to them. 

Their son, Peter was 8 years old at the time.  All they could see was they were thriving as a couple and family.  Who could ask for more?

However, 25 years into the marriage something changed, and they could not put their finger on it. Something felt different between them.

They tried to figure out what happened but couldn’t on their own.  They decided to get help.

Here’s what they discovered: they lost a feeling of connection because they got caught up in the routine of day-to-day living and spent less time doing all the special things they did during their earlier years. It was so much easier then

They were a spiritual couple who made time for daily prayer and meditation rituals.  What was different now was they no longer shared that time– unless they were at church.

“Date Night” was postponed more often because they were so busy with responsibilities.

The gift of curiosity and compassion that they gave each other in earlier years went underground.  They had gotten away from having what I call “bonding conversations” where they shared and heard each other’s feelings and needs.

They didn’t do this on purpose, they just shifted gradually away from a pillar that made the foundation of their marriage strong.

It’s a good thing they got help because they did not know that the reason they got stuck was that they had “tunnel vision” by being overwhelmed by daily responsibilities.  They also had “blind spots” to what would help them to get back on track.

They just didn’t know what they didn’t know…… until now

Decide — brett-jordan-TMj1c5wlO3k-unsplash

  • They decided to turn things around.
  • They created a plan that reminded them of:
  1. Their purpose and “Big Why” for their marriages
  2. Their personal and mutual dreams
  3. What they had built together so far
  • They committed to implementing the plan, even when their lives got busy

  • Percy and Paula followed through on their decision and commitment to do whatever it took to turn things around
  • They made their relationship a priority again.
  • They restored heart-to-heart conversations where they returned to share their most intimate thoughts and feelings
  • Passion returned
  • They were back on track to continue to grow individually and as a couple happy.

Bottom line:  They reclaimed and restored their deeply personal and universal connection.

How About You?

Simone Secci Avatar of user Simone Secci Simone Secci @simonesecci

  • What is it like for you when you feel disconnected from your mate?
  • How difficult is it for you to invite your mate to reconnect with you?
  • On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with the level of personal and universal connection in your relationship
  • What happens when you talk about it
  • What would your relationship look like and feel like if there were more personal and universal connections in your relationship?

If you would like to join couples like Percy and Paula to prepare for the conversation to strengthen any of these seven pillars, I invite you to join me for:




The First Step to Stop Arguing and Start Communicating

Day 1: Five things you can do to calm down

Day 2: Five ways to prepare to be heard and understood

Day 3: Three, three powerful ways to put the love back

To Your Success in Love, Marriage, and Life

Melva Johnson