Why Does Your “Date Night” Turn into “Argue Night”?

Why Does Your “Date Night” 
Turn into “Argue Night”? 

Arguments ayo-ogunseinde-1Dsvt_XAclw-unsplash                                                                                              Date Night kinga-cichewicz-0cWXXPv2-y8-unsplash                                  

Meet James and Marian

Twenty years into their marriage, the second for both, Marion and James were arguing every day.

Once upon a time, Marian had been looking forward to spending more time with her husband after the kids went off to college.

Well, both children are now adults and are college grads and live on their own.

The good news for Marian is she and James now live at home alone  The bad news for Marian is that she and James are home alone.

They only have responsibilities for themselves and work.  And they have more free time when they get home, and they have more time to enjoy each other.

One thing they both looked forward to was having more time to date.  Yes, good news.  They planned at least one date night per week and kept their dates.

Date night always started off with them enjoying each other.  Then somewhere between the middle of the date and the ride home, they found themselves arguing about minor things.  Sometimes the arguments got very serious.  By the time they got home they were barely talking to each other.  Sometimes James would spend the night in the guest room.

That was the bad news.

And it got worse.

When Marian went to bed alone, she found herself sobbing.  She would say to herself, “Why doesn’t he listen to me? James is so stubborn, talking to him is like talking to a wall.


Every time we go out on a date I’m thinking we’re going to have a night of romance and it keeps turning out like this.  Doesn’t he love me anymore?

If we don’t stop this, how long will it be until he’s looking for something else?” He had an affair during his first marriage

James also hoped their date nights would get better.  “We keep trying”, he says, “but we haven’t been very successful”

Marian talks so much when she gets angry. “She nags and talks over me and interrupts me when I am trying to tell her something.  

“It’s not just date night that bugs me about Marian.  She nags me when I get home from work to wind down and enjoy a little more peace after a long day of hard work.  She just wants to talk, talk, talk”.

Every night on my way home, I wonder if my evening will turn into a hailstorm of nagging complaints.”


Whether they argued during date night or during a normal work day evening, they tended to maintain a wary silence, between them after the arguments that reinforced feelings of distance and disconnect.

Both remembered the pain of their previous marriages and did not want another divorce if things didn’t change between them… loomed on the horizon. It was time for a last-ditch effort to save their marriage…….. and they took it.

What did they do?

First, they decided to stop arguing and to start communicating.


They wanted to find a way to talk to each other instead of at each other so they could hear each other out and understand each other.

They wanted to get to the root of the problem. but they didn’t know how.


So, they got help.

The first thing they discovered was that during the arguments they had tunnel vision, focusing on trying to win the argument and insisting that the other change. Therefore, they had blind spots in getting to the root of the problem.

With that understanding, they were able to do something about it.  So, they created a plan that supported a vision of how they wanted their relationship to look and feel.

Here’s the first step they took to move from distrust and miscommunication to more peace, trust, and love to make their marriage extraordinary:

They unearthed their unique communication and relationship style

What does that mean?

They discovered that their different styles of communication were not right or wrong… just different

When they understood that, they began to talk and listen to each other with compassion.

They discovered four other steps which I will cover in future articles.

The good news is they took action.

However, these changes did not occur overnight.  James and Marian made progress had setbacks, recovered, and tried again and again.  They began to understand that one step forward and two steps backward are part of the growth process.

They kept working together to stay on track and they continued to get support.


They also happily shared with their loved ones that now they are enjoying more understanding, love, and respect – just from that first step…

What about you?

Does your “Date Night Turn into Argue Night?

Do you feel misunderstood, disrespected, and unsupported when you try to talk to each other, like James and Marian?


Would you like to discover the first step to unearthing your unique communication and relationship style so that you can enjoy your date nights more?

If the answer is yes, I’m inviting you to schedule a complimentary telephone consultation with me.  Registration is easy.  You can schedule a time here:  https://calendly.com/jessemelva/complimentary-call

During the call, we will work together to discover how to bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be and how to bridge the gap.

If you want to work together beyond the call, I will share with you how I will personally coach you to be successful with your plan

To your success in love, marriage, and life

Melva Johnson