My Wife is Controlling and I’m Fed Up
Dear Jesse and Melva,
I’m sure you have heard about this problem before, so I’m sure you can give me some advice.
You see, not only does my wife always tell me what to do, she insists that I do when she wants and how she wants it done; and, she’s always mad at me because I don’t do it.
Of course, I don’t do it. Why should I? I just shut down and give her the silent treatment, because it has gotten to the point that we spend more time arguing than enjoying each other. I’m not happy about any of this. I don’t want a divorce; I just want relief from all her demands.
What should I do?
Fed up in Greensboro, North Carolina
Dear Fed up,
Thank you for your question. It makes sense that you would be frustrated about this. And, we imagine there is frustration on your wife’s end, as well. Since we only have only had an opportunity to read about your experience, we can only respond to you.
Here’s our "rule of thumb" for addressing problems in love and marriage relationships: Begin with, at least, one thing you can do – decide what you will do in response to her frustrating behavior.
One of the many things we have discovered over the years is that generally – not always – there is a positive intention and golden nugget of information hidden beneath the surface of frustrating behavior of another. For your wife, we imagine that it is possible that her constantly telling you what to do may have a deeper meaning. Maybe, at some point, the two of you can schedule a time to talk to a neutral and objective third party to get that clarified.
In the meantime, assume that she has a positive intention, like asking for help, and is not expressing her wish very effectively. Also, think about other ways you can respond versus shutting down. The third-party can help with that, as well.
Let us know how this works out.
In the meantime, we invite you to join our FREE private Facebook group for more tips to support you.
To your relationship success,
Jesse and Melva
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