We Started Off Strong and Now We Back to Bad Communication Habits
Dear Jesse and Melva:
We came in for counseling several years ago around and appreciate the communication tools you taught us to effectively work through the serious and sensitive issues we were dealing with.
We were getting along much better when we finished our sessions and felt relief. Our arguments turned into talking to each other with more kindness, love, and respect, even when we were very upset with each other.
We were on a high for a long time and then slowly we reverted back to old habits of over-talking each other and interrupting each other when we pushed each other’s buttons. The tools you taught us wet right out of the window.
So frustrating! What do you advise?
Sincerely,
Back to Square 1 in Bingham Farms, Michigan.
Dear Back to Square One in Bingham Farms, Michigan,
Thank you for your question. It is wonderful hearing from you and having an update. Congratulations on your success for that interval of times when you were able to work things through on your own.
Please don’t be dismayed. Sometimes the initial progress couples make after they complete their sessions have an expiration point. There are a variety of reasons for that. The most common one is a couple may begin to take short cuts and not following the communication process completely. They stop practicing the specific action steps consistently enough until those steps become a habit and a new way of life.
What we mean is setting yourselves up for more consistent success in talking to each other versus at each other. It is also essential that you listen to understand each other versus defending yourself or being critical to each other. The challenge is in overcoming how the brain is wired to address conflict. What people do is to fight, flee, freeze, play dead or hide. That’s why all the steps you learned have to be implemented to override that wiring.
The good news is what you are experiencing when you go back to square one is normal. Staying stuck there is not when the goal is to communicate in a way you feel closer and more connected more often.
Looks like you are ready for the next step to get back on track.
You have perfect timing with your question and concern because we are planning something to give you a boost to get back on track. We launching a five-day challenge for couples beginning next week.
The focus will be developing a relationship vision or focus for staying on track. The goal is to support you to continue to move forward on experiencing fewer arguments and more positive communication about what matters most to both of you. We will be sending out information to you on how to join us for this step-by-step, day-by-day process. Stay tuned!
In the meantime, we invite you to join our FREE private Facebook group for more tips to support you until the 5-Day Challenge begins.
To your relationship success,
Jesse and Melva
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