Ask Jesse and Melva – January 14, 2020

Dear Jesse and Melva,

I read your column from last week where you shared with “Frustrated in Scottsdale, Arizona” how important it is to have a vision before setting goals. I would like to have help in thinking through a step before that.

What I mean by that is I don’t know where to start with a vision statement.  Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with all that is going on in our relationship and our lives, all I can think about is getting through the day.  Sometimes all I can focus on is getting through the moment.

Yes, I want less stress and more relief, however, I have no idea what to focus on beyond that.

Yearning for More Clarity in Boston

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Dear Yearning for More Clarity in Boston,

Thank you so much for your question. It makes so much sense.  You remind us of others we have counseled in our private practice and workshops who describe the same situation.  Trying to figure out where you want to go before you are clear about where you are can be confusing and daunting at best. We decided to give you a few questions to think about what stress free and relief looks like for you.

• First question is: “what other feelings would you have if you were stress free and relieved?
• Second question is: “what would you be saying to yourself if you were feeling stress free and relieved?
• Third question is based on even if your circumstances do not change – and we hope they do: “what will you be doing during your day or in the moment when you are feeling overwhelmed if you were feeling relieved and stress free?”

Answering these questions give you process for describing a set point of where you are right now as well as ideas about how to focus beyond where you are.  This is your first step to beginning to write the vision statement for your day, your relationship and your life.

For now, just focus on each day and each situation.  As we have quoted Arnold Patent with, “What you focus on expands” and what Les Brown says, “What we focus on the longest becomes the strongest”, we recommend that you focus on what less stress and relief would look like and feel like, no matter what is going on.

Hope that helps.  Let us know.

For more support in focusing on the feelings you would like to experience, we invite you to join our FREE private Facebook group for more tips for success in love, marriage and life.

To your relationship success,

Jesse and Melva