Valentine’s Day is Over, What’s Next?
Dear Jesse and Melva,
I am writing because I have been thinking about Valentine's Day. Yes, my husband was very generous. We had a lovely, romantic day and evening. While I appreciate what we did for that day, we are back to normal.
What I mean is he has gone back to spending more time watching television than talking to me. I can’t figure out how all the time we spent on Valentine’s changed to almost no time together the next day.
Do you have any advice for me?
Post Valentine’s Blues in Arlington, Texas
Dear Post Valentine’s Blues,
We celebrate with you in having a positive experience with your husband on Valentine’s Day. It is no surprise to us that things got back to normal the next day.
Is it possible that the two of you have gotten into a routine around special days and holidays? Many couples do. One spouse is fine with it because they did their part to contribute to a positive experience and the other spouse had such a good time and want more.
It’s not right or wrong, it’s just the reality. Throughout all these years we have worked with couples, we have found that some husbands are surprised that their wives are unhappy about something or want more of something – more time, more affection, more help, more fun, etc.
Keep in mind that his watching tv maybe how he relaxes and enjoys his personal time. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. It may have more to do with him and what works for him. That does not necessarily mean he doesn’t want to spend time with you. It’s possible that he enjoys both.
The good news is since you are the spouse who wants more, and your husband did take the time to make Valentine’s Day special - there is something you can do. The bottom line is to let him know and here’s how:
We are recommending that you consider how you invite a response from him in a way that he feels appreciated and respected for what he is doing right.
It might help to take time to think about what to say and how to say it so that avoid any temptation to criticize him for what he is not doing. It is important for your message to include your appreciation for the special and delightful thankful he has done in the past as well as in the present.
Make sure you include letting him know how much all the thought he put into your Valentine’s experience meant to you and how you felt. Then, let him know you would like to have more of those; maybe, in weekly doable bites – like “date night” or “movie night” at home.
Let him know you would like for both of you to figure out how to do that at a time that works for both. Then, give him time to think about your request. You may be surprised at how he responds.
Since giving is a two-way street, think about something he wants and give it to him joyfully.
Remember, what you focus on expands.
Let us know how this works out.
In the meantime, we invite you to join our FREE private Facebook group for more tips to support you.
To your relationship success,
Jesse and Melva
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