How to Calm Down During Conflict
Dear Jesse and Melva,
I’ve been listening to your podcasts and wondering if you can help me out with a situation I am experiencing in my marriage. You see, I love my wife. And, as you have mentioned in your podcasts, I wonder how can one stop reacting and start more calmly responding to a potentially stressful situation.
Looking forward to your response from someone in your local community.
A Community Friend
Dear Community Friend:
Thank you so much for your question. It is so timely because we shared five tips to stop reacting and start calmly responding during our most recent podcast. We will share how to access those tips later in this article.
Often when we get a question like this, we assume that – not always correctly - that the person asking the decision is looking for advice for inviting the other person to change.
If we are accurate, our answer is that an invitation can be extended to the other person to change, but that is not the first step.
The first step begins within to create a safe space to prepare to make that important invitation.
We know that in any relationship it takes two to tangle:
and only one to untangle:
What we mean by that is when there is tension in any relationship situation there is a part of the brain that is aroused signaling that the other person in the situation is a threat to them and the future of the relationship. That conclusion during the heat of the moment may or may not be true.
What is true that on an emotional level – in the heat of the moment - is the way that two people interact does have an impact on feeling loved, cared about, and respected.
Both people become flooded with emotions. This makes problem-solving and coming to a mutually satisfying resolution impossible.
That is why it is important to prepare for potential or inevitable stressful situations.
We described how to do that in our live cast on Facebook, hosted by SoulivityTV. You can get the replay here.
There is a guided imagery on that live cast to go through the five steps after we describe them.
You both will be invited to schedule a complimentary consultation with both of us to get support in implementing the five steps at www.jesseandmelva.com. Click on the contact us tab.
Readers of this article are also invited to listen to the replay of the live cast and to schedule a free complimentary consultation. We are offering 5 per week for the next few weeks.
To your relationship success,
Jesse and Melva
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