3 Tips to Get Your Man to Open Up
and what NOT to do…
Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash
our most recent article you discovered how to get the arguments to stop. You’ll find it here.
It is estimated that between 40–50% of married women complain that their husbands will not open up and talk to them in any meaningful way.
As a result, many wives feel ignored by their husbands. The “silent
treatment” is one of the top 10 biggest complaints reported by married women about their husband as
reported Krishann Briscoe in an article on the Babble website.
Clearly, if you are one of those wives who have been trying to get your husband to talk to you without much success, you are not alone. It is a
common problem that causes a lot of wives a great deal of distress.
We’d like to share some reasons why husbands “shut down” and some simple steps to get them to open up.
3 Things That Hinder Communication
The #1 reason why men don’t open up is because they do not want to be judged or rejected. Many men say that no matter whatever thoughts or ideas they share with their wives that their spouses are likely to
respond by being critical and challenging their ideas.
Not only are they judgmental, the wives start “running off at the mouth” giving reason after reason to prove that his is wrong.
“Why,” many men will ask, “should I open myself up to a barrage of lengthy complaints about why I think the way I do?” “If I don’t
say anything, then I don’t have to hear it!”
For some reason, some men simply do not understand why he cannot have his own thoughts or feelings without their wives “bouncing” all over it and making him wrong.
The #2 reason why men shut down is because too many wives are far too controlling.
Men would most likely tell their wives “Stop trying to get me to do anything!”
“Give me the time, space, and freedom to decide what I want to do, how I want to do it, and when I want to do it.”
Often, men resent their wives attempts to manipulate them into forcing them to follow their agenda and timetable. Rather than responding with an angry outburst, they simply shut down and don’t respond.
Yes, this may be a “passive-aggressive” way of responding, however, most men would rather just not respond than to get into a fight.
The #3 reason why men often refuse to talk is because they fear their wives bringing up a litany of past grievances.
For example, wives may start off complaining about one thing but before you know it, they have brought up every “wrong” they believe he has committed.
What men don’t understand is the reason why women keep bringing them up is because they probably have never been completely discussed and resolved. Until they get handled, expect that they are likely to keep coming up.
There are several other reasons we could offer to help women understand why men “clam up,” we’ll stop at these basic ones for now.
We would not be surprised if many women would not take issue with these reasons. If fact, we would expect that a great many women would be quite upset with these reasons why men shut down and won’t talk.
Our goal is not to “beat up” on women but rather to help spouses be able to open up and communicate with each other. This is of critical importance in successful relationships.
Therefore, we urge women to make a conscientious attempt to understand what men are attempting to communicate. Men want to support you to be able to open the door to enable your man to open up and talk to you.
If that’s what you want, then you might find the following suggestions helpful.
It is estimated that between 40–50% of married women complain that their husbands will not open up and talk to them in any meaningful way.
3 Things That Promote Communication
#1: If you have something important you want to know about how your husband thinks and feels about something, give him time to think about it.
Often, women bring up things to their husbands that they have
been thinking about for days, or weeks, or months if not longer. The problem is that he, most likely, has not been thinking about it and needs time to sort things out.
If you expect an immediate answer, you’re probably not going to get one.
He may need time to go into his “man cave” to think about it before he is
ready to give you a response. And when he does respond, allow him the opportunity to share with you his entire thoughts without interrupting or interjecting your ideas.
This brings us to our next suggestion.
#2: If you really want to know what your husband thinks about something (as opposed to attempting to get him to agree with your already decided upon decision), then LISTEN TO HIM!
We mean really listen to what he has to share without interrupting, interpreting, questioning, or belittling his ideas. In order to do that, it is essential that you control your urge to open your mouth and talk.
He needs to know that you really want to hear what he has to say. If he senses that you are not really listening or are not interested in his opinion, he’s likely to shut down.
Be aware that men, like women, want to be heard.
In fact, some men are so desperate for someone to hear them that they will pay a prostitute to simply listen to them. It’s easy money for the prostitute
because all they have to do is to listen to the “john” and pretend that they are interested in what he’s
talking about.
In more instances than one might imagine, there is no sex involved in these encounters.
This may be difficult for some women to believe but it’s true. We share this with you to demonstrate just how desperate some men are to be heard.
Be aware that men, like women, want to be heard.
#3: By your attentiveness, demonstrate to your husband that you sincerely appreciate him and value his ideas and opinions.
You must perceive each other as valuable, important, and essential allies who share and respect the ideas you are offering toward making the best decisions possible toward fulfilling your mutual goals.
All of us want to be appreciated and respected. When we are, it motivates us to want to do more.
If not, our desire to be a fully functioning partner is diminished.
So if you want your man to really open up and talk with you, we sincerely hope that you will consider and take action on these strategies.
BONUS TIP: Get Weekly Live Tips Every Sunday on Love, Marriage, and Life
