Tip for Success in Love, Marriage, and Life:
“I keep telling you what I feel, and you won’t listen!”, Esther yells out in anger in frustration.
“When I try to talk to you, I feel like I am talking to a brick wall”
“You say you understand, but you don’t. You keep telling me about you and how you feel”.
“I’m tired of this!”
Earl gets angry and walks out the room.
How many times have you opened up and shared your heart with the one you love and have received a similar response or lack of response?
You are sharing something about yourself and want understanding and they start talking about them.
If this is your experience, you are not alone.
Many couples struggle with this problem.
Most don’t know they are missing the fourth fundamental skill that makes relationships work.
It’s called Empathy.
What is empathy?
It’s each partner seeing and understanding where the other is coming from based on the circumstances of their situation from their perspective, experience, and reality and sharing that understanding.
It is demonstrating curiosity about what happened and how it affected that person.
It’s listening until the other person completes sharing their message without interrupting or interpreting.
Empathy is different from sympathy because sympathy is understanding someone else’s emotions from your own perspective.
Empathy is different from compassion because compassion is relating to the other person’s situation and taking action and helping out in some way, which is what the person may not want or need at the moment.
Empathy is understanding and imagining what the other person is feeling.
My favorite metaphor for two people to understand each other at a deep level is for both to be aware that they are living in two counties of reality when they are trying to communicate
For Earl and Esther, it means that they both live in two different countries and speak two different languages.
Two Countries — philippe-oursel-eJvXdCpd8u8-unsplash
Why is empathy important?
When Earl responds to what Esther is saying to him from his country and language of reality, Esther feels misunderstood and dismissed.
The same with Esther when she responds to Earl from her country of reality.
In those situations, both are self-absorbed and have tunnel vision when they interpret or misinterpret from their own perspective, experience, and point of view.
What Earl and Esther Discovered?
Discovery — n-RFId0_7kep4-unsplash
To solve the problem of the frustrations from misunderstanding, they must learn each other’s language.
How do they do that?
· They take turns hearing each other out
· They listen with curiosity
· First to understand how the other person thinks about their experience and the conclusion they draw
· Then understand the feelings related to how the other person thinks about their situation.
With that awareness, Earl eagerly shifted gears and began to listen to Esther with the intention of listening deeply to understand. He didn’t do it perfectly but kept trying until it became more natural for him
How do you imagine Esther responded?
When it was Esther’s turn to be empathetic to Earl, she discovered that what she needed most to receive was difficult for her to give
What About You?
Simone Secci Avatar of user Simone Secci Simone Secci @simonesecci
How About You?
What is it like for you when your mate doesn’t show empathy for you when you share your feelings and your experience?
How difficult is it for you to be empathetic with your spouse or mate when they frustrate you?
On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with how empathy is expressed in your relationship?
What happens when you talk about it?
What will your relationship look like and feel like if there was more empathy expressed in your relationship?
On a scale of 1 – 10, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest, how satisfied are you with how the both of you work through hurtful situations between you?
“Know that you need to have empathy in your relationship and empathy goes both ways.
Esther was thrilled when Earl began to become more empathetic with her. She was also dismayed that she had such a tough time being empathetic with him.
That is the reason why I am offering “Apply the Pillars” calls to provide an opportunity for couples to move past just understanding the pillars of a healthy relationship to living them.
Each pillar by itself will improve the quality of your relationship and when they work together, they multiply their effect.
If you are ready to discover the first step to move toward bridging the gap from where you are to where you want to be in your relationship.
And, if you want to enjoy more quality, depth, connection, and fun in your relationship then scheduling a complimentary call are designed for you.
Registration is easy. Fill out the questionnaire at this link :
I will be in touch with you when I receive the questionnaire to schedule a time for our conversation: just the two of you and me.