Tip for Success in Love, Marriage, and Life:
Thank you for joining me for the continuation of the series on 7 Pillars of Success in Love, Marriage in Life
The first pillar in this series was about Commitment — couples making and keeping promises about how they will show up for each other in the relationship, especially during the tough times and storms of life.
The second important pillar is intimacy.
Couples in healthy, happy relationships enjoy several expressions of intimacy. This is because they have communicated about what works for them and have acted on it.
So, what is intimacy?
Intimacy means the willingness and the courage of both partners to be completely open, honest, transparent, and vulnerable with one another.
This can only be achieved by creating a relationship based upon unconditional acceptance and love where both feel safe enough to disclose and expose the parts of themselves that they have felt afraid to be made known.
This level of intimacy, a word that we divide into three syllables, “into-me-see,” allows each partner to break free of the emotional chains that have held them in bondage so that they can rise to greater heights of personal fulfillment.
It also deepens the bond of emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual closeness between them.
This is important because this bond fosters trust and fulfills the basic human need for a sense of security, trust and belonging.
The three forms of intimacy I will cover are:
- Physical and Sexual Intimacy
- Emotional Intimacy
- Intimacy of Shared Space
The first area of intimacy is Physical and Sexual Intimacy.
Although both expressions of intimacy involve bodily contact, they are not necessarily the same.
Since the bonding experience of sexually expression is so important, couples need to communicate about how they want their sexual experience to be in a way that works for both.
Daily expression of nonsexual physical affection and intimacy is important as well.
The question for the both of you is, on a scale of 1-10, 1 the lowest and 10 the highest, “
How satisfied are you with physical and sexual intimacy in your relationship?”
What will it take to enjoy more physical and sexual intimacy in your relationship?
What happens when you talk about it?
How do you talk about it?
The next important expression of intimacy is Emotional Intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is about sharing feelings – positive and negative – without being criticized or judged.
Positive feelings are usually expressed when things are going well. Negative feelings are usually expressed when things are not going well.
Negative feelings need to be expressed, but only in a conversational environment of emotional safety. Ground rules need to be established about how those feelings are expressed.
- One a scale of 1-10 how would you rate the level of emotional intimacy in your relationship?
- What would it take to have more emotional intimacy with your mate?
The third expression of intimacy that I think is important is what I call Intimacy of Shared Space. I added this one to what Jesse and I originally wrote.
This form of intimacy is about couples deciding how to share the space they live in.
Some couples have disagreements about this.
Examples of Shared Physical Space
There are many couples who do not have private space in their home. All the spaces are shared, and they deal with it.
Other couples have a space in the home they can call their own, like separate bathrooms or, “His Den” and “Her Den. They make it work.
A frequent problem couples face is when there are differences about how that shared space should be maintained. Sometimes arguments occur when one partner needs that shared space neat and orderly and the other is comfortable with clutter.
- On a scale of 1 – 10 how satisfied are you with intimacy of sharing the same living space with your mate?
The questions about these three expressions of intimacy: sexual, physical, emotional and shared space are important to think about and to talk about with your mate.
It is important for couples to know:
How strong each pillar is, how to make it stronger and how keep it strong,
How to share what they want more of, as well as what they want less of,
How to repair fractures in the pillars when there are cracks.
These conversations need to take place in a way that both partners feel heard and understood.
Preparation is needed for these conversations.
In the coming weeks I will be sharing additional “Pillars of Success in Love, Marriage and Life” during my Facebook LIVE sessions on Sundays, at 5:00 pm ET / 4:00pm CT / 2:00pm PT in the Facebook Group!
- Join the Facebook Group HERE. It’s FREE!
- All replays will be in the Facebook Group
- Our topic last Sunday was intimacy. (See the companion article below!)
- Join us this Sunday, July 10th to discover the third Pillar of Love, Marriage and Life: Forgiveness.
Questions are welcome
Sincerely, Melva Johnson