My Wife is Always Telling Me What I Am Thinking and Feeling
This question comes from someone who was listening to our Jesse and Melva Live Podcast on May 17, 2020, when we covered the second of three fundamentals for success in love, marriage, and life; “Be Understanding” was the topic.
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Dear Jesse and Melva,
My spouse is very irritating. She tells me that what I am feeling and thinking when I tell her that I'm upset with her about something. It could be the smallest thing. She is always wrong and insists that she is right.
I want this to stop!!
Please help me.
Irritated in St. Paul, Minnesota
Dear Irritated in St. Paul, Minnesota:
This an interesting question. I can relate because I grew up in an experience like this. Someone in my family used to tell me the very same thing and that pushed my buttons all over the place. I didn’t have the tools then that I have now.
So, with the tools I have now, I was thinking that if you and your wife had a few sessions with either me or Jesse, you would be introduced to one of the major tools that we use to support couples to understand and honor two different realities. And in your case, to introduce you and your wife to understand and honor each other’s realities.
This step of the couple’s dialogue is called validation. This is where the person who's listening makes sense out of the other person's reality. We have found over the years that this step is more difficult because the human brain is wired to see only one reality.
Making sense out of another person’s reality is a growth opportunity. So, since no one can change another, you can invite change by understanding where your wife is coming from first.
We know that is not the answer you are looking for. However, you may be pleasantly surprised at what happens when you take the first step to turn things around. It only takes one person to interrupt a pattern and to invite a new way of communicating, understanding, and connecting.
We are offering a free telephone consultation for couples to support them to formulate and to take the first action step to implement the three fundamentals for success in love, marriage, and life. We invite you and your wife to schedule time with us at https://johnsonrelationshipinstituteforcouples.com/contact/
Readers of this article are also invited to listen to the replay of the live cast on Facebook, hosted by SoulivityTV, and to schedule a free complimentary consultation. We are offering 5 per week for the next few weeks.
To your relationship success,
Jesse and Melva
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