How Do I Get Over My Resentment?
Dear Jesse and Melva:
I recently listened to your podcast about getting over resentment in marriage and realized that I am one of those people who has built up resentments about something that occurred a few years ago that didn’t get resolved.
You see, I am married to a man I totally love who, for the most part, has been someone I can and could depend on for most of our 25 years together as a married couple.
Here’s my resentment. In my mind, my husband is the person whom I depend on to have my back about issues I may be having with people outside of our marriage. In other words, to take my side
Well, that didn’t happen when there was an incident between me and my best friend who upset me about not supporting me when I was struggling with having issues with one of my family members. To be more specific, it was with one of my sisters who has been my worst critic since I was a child.
I was really hurting when I shared my dismay with my husband who immediately said, that he agreed with my best friend about how I needed to get over it.
Get over it? Are they kidding? This has been a lifetime source of pain for me.
What shall I do?
Resentful in Memphis, Tennessee
Dear Resentful in Memphis, Tenessee,
Wow, we can both understand while why you are so upset. Especially, it’s about your sister and at the same time, it is not about your sister.
What makes sense to us is that you are looking for understanding about how you are and have been affected by the unacceptable behavior of another person. Even though we don’t know the details, we do you that you are yearning for understanding and compassion that you did not receive from your friend or your husband.
Here’s what we recommend:
Let your husband know what the real issue is for you. They need to feel heard and understood.
Let him know that you need him to understand where you are coming from and why. This is because we are imagining that what you are experiencing has had a profound impact on your well-being (mentally, physically and spiritually) if you continue to carry these feelings around. This is too much of a price to pay.
Bottom line: Let your husband know that what you are experiencing and most of all, what you need is his understanding – not his advice or "taking sides."
Let us know how it goes!
In the meantime, we invite you to join our FREE private Facebook group for more tips to support you.
To your relationship success,
Jesse and Melva
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