Ask Jesse and Melva – January 21, 2020

Dear Jesse and Melva,

Lately my wife and I have been struggling with getting along with each other because she seems to consistently tell me what I am doing wrong.  I hear it so much that often I avoid doing things or saying things that she might criticize.

We’ve been married for over 20 years and it’s just both of us at home.  I just want to be happy.

I was reading last week’s column from Frustrated in Arizona.  I followed your advice for answering questions about feelings, self-talk and actions for what I want to experience for the new year.

That is easier said than done.  “Frustrated” wanted relief and to be stress free.  I want to feel happier in my marriage.  Describing what that happiness in terms of feelings, self-talk and actions took longer than I anticipated.  However, I’m glad I took the time to do the exercise because I have not thought about being so concise about describing what I want so clearly.

Here’s what I came up with in describing the happiness I want:

• I would feel closer to my wife
• I would be telling myself how grateful I am to experience that closeness
• And I would take action to let her know.

What do you think?

Sincerely,

Hopeful for More Happiness in Raleigh, North Carolina

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Dear Hopeful for More Happiness in Raleigh,

Congratulations for doing the exercise.  When a person gets clear about what they mean, they can articulate their message more effectively.  You have completed a very important first step by going within yourself first.  It is one of the mile markers and milestones for moving forward to more relationship success. 

There are other questions that we have received that are somewhat similar to yours.  As we answer them in future columns, we will be providing small action steps that serve as mile markers and milestones to turning things around.

Thank you for your question and asking for feedback.

By the way, sharing gratitude to your wife is the right thing to do and something you may want to do consistently.

For more support in focusing on the feelings you would like to experience, we invite you to join our FREE private Facebook group for more tips for success in love, marriage and life.

To your relationship success,

Jesse and Melva